Vedic Marriage

What are the Vedas?

Description

The Vedas are a large corpus of texts originating in Ancient India. They are the oldest scriptural texts Sanatana Dharma (Eternal Law) also known today as Hinduism and refers to the belief in the ageless nature of the wisdom it embodies.Today, Vedic texts are revered by Hindus around the world. Their verses are recited at prayers, religious functions and other auspicious occasions. In modern times, Vedic studies are crucial in the understanding of Indo-European linguistics, as well as ancient Indian history.

According to strict orthodox Hindu interpretation the Vedas are apaurusheya (“not human compositions”), being supposed to have been directly revealed, and thus are called śruti (“what is heard”). Hinduism, sometimes known as Sanatana Dharma (“Eternal Law”), refers to this belief in the ageless nature of the wisdom it embodies.

Philosophies and sects that developed in the Indian subcontinent have taken differing positions on the Vedas. Schools of Indian philosophy which cite the Vedas as their scriptural authority are classified as “orthodox” (āstika). Two other Indian philosophies, Buddhism and Jainism, did not accept the authority of the Vedas and evolved into separate religions. In Indian philosophy these groups are referred to as “heterodox” or “non-Vedic” (nāstika) schools.[3]

Place in history

The Vedas are arguably the oldest surviving scriptures that are still used in modern times. Most Indologists agree that an oral tradition existed long before they were written down by the second century BC. The oldest surviving manuscripts are dated in the 11th century BC.

Radhakrishnan and Moore sum up the prevailing academic view by saying:

“The Vedic Period is dimmed by obscurity, but it may be placed approximately between 2500 and 600 B.C.”[4]

As used by these authors, the term “Vedic Period” includes the long period of gradual pre-literary cultural developments which eventually gave rise to written texts. Gavin Flood refers to the “more sober chronology” of 1500 to 1200 BC proposed by Max Müller for the earliest portions of the texts.[5]

However, dating for the Vedas has become intertwined, for more than a hundred years, with various other controversial elements such as the Aryan Invasion Theory, the Out of India theory and the historicity of the Mahabharata among others.

Etymology

The word veda signifies “wisdom” or “knowledge”. More generally it means “Sacred knowledge, holy learning, the scriptures of the Hindus.”It is derived from the root vid-,Sanskrit for “to know”.This is in turn reconstructed as being derived from the Proto-Indo-European root

“weid-“, meaning “see” or “know”.

Subdivisions

Vedic texts are traditonally categorized into four classes: the Saṃhitās, Brahmanas, Aranyakas, and Upanishads.

The Samhita (Sanskrit saṃhitā, “collection”), are collections of hymns, mantras, and chants. There are four Samhitas: the Rig-Veda, Sama-Veda, Yajur-Veda, and Atharva-Veda. In some contexts, the term Veda is used to refer to these Samhitas.

The Brahmanas are prose texts that discuss, in technical fashion, the solemn sacrificial rituals as well as comment on their meaning and many connected themes. Each of the Brahmanas is associated with one of the Samhitas. The Brahmanas may either form separate texts or can be partly integrated into the text of the Samhitas. They may also include the Aranyakas and Upanishads.

The Aranyakasfocuses on the concept of worship through contemplation only, i.e. through dhyana (meditation). A contemplation in sequestered places, eg. forests and islated laces, (hence aranya: literally means forest or “wilderness texts“. These form the concluding part of the Brahmanas.

The Upanishads are largely philosophical works in dialogue form. They discuss the question of nature, philosophy and the fate of the soul, and contain some mystic and spiritual interpretations of the Vedas. For long, they have been acknowledged as the essence of Sanatana dharma, and are thus known as Vedānta (“the end of the Vedas”). Taken together, they are the basis of the Vedanta school.

This group of texts is called shruti (Sanskrit: śruti; “the heard”). Since post-Vedic times it has been considered to be revealed wisdom, as distinct from other texts, collectively known as smriti (Sanskrit: smṛti; “the remembered”), that is texts that are considered to be of human origin.

As Axel Michaels explains:

These classifications, are often not tenable for linguistic and formal reasons: There is not only one collection at any one time, but rather several handed down in separate Vedic schools; Upanişads … are sometimes not to be distinguished from Āraṇyakas (“forest books”); Brāhmaṇas contain older strata of language attributed to the Saṃhitās; there are various dialects and locally prominent traditions of the Vedic schools. Nevertheless, it is advisable to follow the division laid by the Indian tradition, which conveys the historical sequence fairly accurately, and underlies the current editions, translations, and monographs on Vedic literature.

Works such as the Brahmanas, Aranyakas, and Upanishads often interpret the polytheistic and ritualistic Samhitas in philosophical and metaphorical ways to explore abstract concepts such as the Absolute (Brahman), and the soul or the self (Atman); later Upanishad also discusses the Lord (God) (Ishvara).

In common usage the term Vedas can refer to the Rig-Veda, Sama-Veda, Yajur-Veda, and Atharva-Veda.

Origin and content of the four Vedas

A traditional view given in the Vishnu Purana (fourth century BC.) attributes the current arrangement of four Vedas to the mythical sage Vyasa.

The Rig-Veda

The Rig-Veda Samhita is the oldest part of the corpus. It is a collection of 1028 Vedic Sanskrit hymns dedicated to Rigvedic deities.

Based on evidence from classical and linguistic analysis, the Rigveda was composed roughly between 1700–1100 BC (the early Vedic period) in the Punjab (SaptaSindhu) region of the Indian subcontinent. This would put the Rigveda among the world’s oldest religious texts, as well as among the oldest texts of any Indo-European language. However, this early period does not have several of the cultural features typical for the text (such as horses, chariots that were introduced in India only after 2000 BC).

It was preserved in India over centuries by oral tradition alone and was probably not put in writing until Late Antiquity or even the early Middle Ages. The earliest surviving manuscripts date to the 11th century.

There are strong linguistic and cultural similarities between the Rigveda and the early Iranian Avesta, deriving from the Proto-Indo-Iranian times, often associated with the early Andronovo culture of ca. 2000 BC, when the earliest horse-drawn chariots have been found (at Sintashta, near the Ural mountains).

The Yajur-Veda

The Yajur-Veda (“Veda of sacrificial formulas”) consists of archaic prose mantras and also in part of verses borrowed from the Rig-Veda. Its purpose was practical, in that each mantra must accompany an action in sacrifice but, unlike the Sama-Veda, it was compiled to apply to all sacrificial rites, not merely the Soma offering. There are two major recensions of this Veda known as the “Black” and “White” Yajur-Veda. The origin and meaning of these designations are not clear. The White Yajur-Veda contains only the verses and sayings necessary for the sacrifice, while explanations exist in a separate Brahmana work. It differs widely from the Black Yajurveda, which incorporates such explanations in the work itself, often immediately following the verses. Of the Black Yajurveda four major recensions survive, all showing by and large the same arrangement, but differing in many other respects, notably in the individual discussion of the rituals but also in matters of phonology and accent.

The Sama-Veda

The Sama-Veda (Sanskrit sāmaveda ) is the “Veda of chants” or “Knowledge of melodies”. The name of this Veda is from the Sanskrit word sāman which means a metrical hymn or song of praise. It consists of 1549 stanzas, taken entirely (except 78) from the Rig-Veda.Some of the Rig-Veda verses are repeated more than once. Including repetitions, there are a total of 1875 verses numbered in the Sama-Veda recension published by Griffith.Two major recensions remain today, the Kauthuma/Ranayaniya and the Jaiminiya.

Its purpose was practical, to serve as a songbook for the “singer” priests who took part in the liturgy. A priest who sings hymns from the Sama-Veda during a ritual is called an udgātṛ, a word derived from the Sanskrit root ud-gai (“to sing” or “to chant”).A similar word in English might be “cantor”. The styles of chanting are important to the liturgical use of the verses. The hymns were to be sung according to certain fixed melodies; hence the name of the collection.

The Atharva-Veda

The Artharva-Veda is the “Knowledge of the Fire Priests [atharvans]”. The Artharva-Veda or Atharvangirasa is the text ‘belongimng to the Atharvan and Angirasa’ poets. Apte defines an atharvan as a priest who worshipped fire and Soma.The etymology of Atharvan is unclear, but according to Mayrhofer related to Avestaathravan (āθrauuan) and denies any connection with fire priests.

The Atharva-Veda Saṃhitā has 760 hymns, and about one-sixth of the hymns are in common with the Rig-Veda. Most of the verses are metrical, but some are in prose.

It was compiled around 900 BC, although some of its material may go back to the time of the Rig Veda,and some parts of the Atharva-Veda are older than the Rig-Veda.

The Atharvana-Veda is preserved in two recensions, the Paippalāda and Śaunaka.According to Apte it has nine schools (shakhas).The Paippalada version is longer than the Saunaka one; it is only partially printed and remains untranslated.

Unlike the other three Vedas, the Atharvana-Veda has less connection with sacrifice.Its first part consists chiefly of spells and incantations, concerned with protection against demons and disaster, spells for the healing of diseases, and for long life.

The second part of the text contains speculative and philosophical hymns. R. C. Zaehner notes that:

“The latest of the four Vedas, the Atharva-Veda, is, as we have seen, largely composed of magical texts and charms, but here and there we find cosmological hymns which anticipate the Upanishads, — hymns to Skambha, the ‘Support’, who is seen as the first principle which is both the material and efficient cause of the universe, to Prāna, the ‘Breath of Life’, to Vāc, the ‘Word’, and so on.

The famous mantra Om first appeared in the Atharva-Veda, and later was identified with absolute reality (brahman) in the Taittitrīya Upanishad.

In its third section, the Atharvaveda contains Mantras used in marriage and death rituals, as well as those for kingship, female rivals and the Vratya (in Brahmana style prose) .

Gavin Flood discusses the relatively late acceptance of the Atharva-Veda as follows:

“There were originally only three priests associated with the first three Saṃhitās, for the Brahman as overseer of the rites does not appear in the Ṛg Veda and is only incorporated later, thereby showing the acceptance of the Atharva Veda, which had been somewhat distinct from the other Saṃhitās and identified with the lower social strata, as being of equal standing with the other texts.”

Upaveda: Secondary knowledge The term upaveda (“secondary knowledge”) is used in traditional literature to designate the subjects of certain technical works.They have no relation to the Vedas, except as subjects worthy of study despite their secular character. Lists of what subjects are included in this class differ among sources. Examples include:

Medicine (Āyurveda)

Archery, Military science (Dhanurveda)

Music and sacred dance (Gāndharvaveda)

Architecture, Mechanics (Sthāpatyaveda)

2.0   What the Vedas say about marriage

Centuries ago, civilized societies recognized and acknowledged the most basic instincts of all – i.e., the need for companionship – and founded an honourable institution known as marriage. Experience has shown that this institution can help navigate the complex ocean of life full of conflicts, questions, concerns, temptations, joys, sorrows, ups and downs. Hindu ancestors set aside some guidelines to make sure that the institution is a permanent one capable of not only bringing happiness to two young people but also providing a delicate balance so that the family enjoys the fullness of life within the framework of what they called Dharma, the Hindu code of right conduct.

What is the Secret of a Vedic Marriage?

An ancient Hindu prince known as Yudhishtira revealed the “secret” thousands of years ago. In an episode known as YakshaPrashna in the AranyaParva of that great epic, the Mahabharata, a divine being challenged the prince in exile to answer some questions, satisfactory answers to which may help restore the lives of his “dead” brothers. One of the questions the Yaksha asked Yudhishtira was

kimsvinmitramgrhesatah?” i.e. Who is the friend of a householder? To which the prince answered “bhaaryaamitramgrhesatah,” i.e., the friend of a householder is his spouse.

According to Hindus, therefore, the basis for marriage is friendship and such friendship is the understanding, the promise and the commitment that unites a man and a woman. With such authority, there is then no question about the role of a woman, her importance, her position in this

equation that binds them together.

Let us explore this further. The peak of most hindu wedding ceremonies is known as Maangalyaddhaaranam. This confirms for ever and seals the bond between the bride and the groom through the tying of a necklace (mangalsutra) around the bride’s neck by the groom. Legally, ethically and morally that moment is the sacred moment in the wedding when they become husband and wife. But what happens afterwards is truly the most significant and meaningful for the rest of their life together. Because, in a following ceremony known as saptapadi,the bride and the groom hold hands and take seven steps together as husband and wife as they walk around Agni, the God of fire and pledge to each other their eternal friendship. What they say after they have taken those seven steps is unquestionably the foundation for a successful marriage.

Together they chant:

sakhaasaptapadibhavasakhyamtegameyamsakhyamtemayoshahsakhyamtemayoshtah

“With these seven steps you have become my friend. May I deserve your friendship. May my friendship make me one with you. May your friendship make you one with me.”

Role of a woman in Hinduism:

Anyone who has had any question about the role of a woman in Hindu marriage should pay special attention to the charge and blessing by the presiding priest at the end of

the saptapadi. He recites:

Samraajnishvashurebhava             Be queenly with your father-in-law Samraajnishvashruvaambhava     Be queenly with your mother-in-law Nanandaarisaamraajnibhava         Be queenly with his sisters Saamraajniadhidevrshu                   Be queenly with his brothers.

Nothing short of the status of a queen is what the scriptures prescribe. Hindu ancestors went even further: they blessed the bride by saying; “murdhaanampatyuraroha,” i.e., “May your husband keep you on his

head, meaning “let him respect you.” There are in fact two more questions in the YakshaPrashna where this subject matter comes up. In one question the Yakshaasks Yudhishtira: kimsviddaivakritasakha? Who is man’s god-given friend? Yudhishtira‘s answer was: bhaaryaadaivakritasakha– a man’s God-given friend is his wife. Again the basis of friendship in marriage is emphasized.

A specific reference to the wedding ceremony of Suryaa (daughter of Surya, the sun god) is found in the Rig Veda. The Vedic ideal of marriage, according to Abhinash Chandra Bose (The Call of the Vedas, page 259, BharatiyaVidyaBhavan, 1970) “is that of perfect monogamy and life-long companionship of two people.”

A serious study of the Vedas reveals how practical the findings of the ancient sages truly are. Some Vedic prayers blended into a wedding ceremony are directed towards acquiring intellectual power, wisdom, efficiency, spiritual vigour, higher talent etc. leading to Brahmateja– the radiance of intellect. Other prayers are for strength, valour, power, fearlessness and qualities of heroism leading to Kshaatraveerya– the physical prowess. Acquisition of these two attributes, in Hindu thought, leads to fulfilment of Chaturvidhaphalapurushaarttha, the four aspects of life: Dharma, Artha, Kaama and Moksha. Dharma is that which upholds or sustains the positive order of things: the nation, the community, the family and ultimately even the universe, Artha is one of the four goals of life, known as purusharthas. It is considered to be a noble goal as long as it follows the dictates of Vedic morality. Artha includes the concept of achieving widespread fame, garnering wealth and having an elevated social standing. Kaama meansphysical or emotional pleasure and leads to the fourth- the complete release of bondage and to total freedom known as Moksha. Dharma truly forms the very core of Hindu philosophy. The inclusion of Artha (financial aspect) and Kaama (aspects of love) in this series confirms the practicality of Vedic thought.

The demands of Artha and Kaama in the life of married people are in apparent conflict with the dictates of Dharma and Moksha. How does the Hindu resolve this apparent contradiction? This in fact was the third question on the subject asked of Yudhishtira by the Yaksha:

dharmashcaarthascakaamashcaparasparavirodhinaheshaamnityaviruddhaanamkatthamekatrasangamah

Dharma, artha and kaama conflict with each other. How can these contraries be reconciled? How can a householder necessarily involved in the pursuit of good life seeking arttha and kaama in

raising a family and serving a community not find himself in conflict with

Dharma and how can he strive for moksha?

Notice that Artha and Kaama are safely sandwiched between Dharma and Moksha. If salvation is to be your goal, the ancient Hindus said, then by all means practice fully in the affairs of the society, raise a family, enjoy the good life in a responsible way, serve the community- all within the

framework of Dharma. How does a grhasttha (householder) reconcile these contrary requirements? According to Yudhishtira, there is only one way and that is

yadadharmascabhaaryacaparasparavashanugautadadharmaarthakamaanamtrayaanamapisangamah

“When dharma and one’s wife are in harmony, then dharma, artha and kaama are reconciled.”

That means, a person, in order to keep that delicate balance among the attributes of artthaand kaama, has to have a spouse who is dhaarmic. It is that protection coming from such a spouse, that torch light, that spirit of friendship and cooperation and sacrifice that gives a reasonable chance for a couple to succeed in meeting this challenge of conflicting attributes. Each step in a Vedic wedding ceremony conveys implicitly or explicitly an understanding between the couple. The life companion inherited this burden of providing the umbrella of Dharma so that the family she was going to raise – her own family – would be a Dhaarmic one. That is why a Hindu wife is not simply called a patni (wife) but she is always referred to as Dharmapatni, wife-in-Dharma. This then is the reason for that very special, very unique, very necessary role both a man and a woman are called upon to play in the Hindu household. The establishment of a life-long and spiritual friendship that is a Vedic marriage.

3.0   Understanding A Hindu Vedic Marriage

The Hindu culture can be viewed as extremely complex and at times mystically convoluted. This is essentially due to its intricacies and age. The Hindu culture is steeped in mystery and enigmatic folklore which can blur the truth within it but what we know as fact is that it is firmly rooted in the Vedas (“Knowledge”), which in turn are intrinsically entwined in the Upanishads (ancient philosophy).

To decode Hinduism and decipher the true deeper meanings within its rich essence we must analyse and question the root foundation of the Hindu marriage – The Vedas which are all written in sanskrit.

The Upanishads are the production of the highest human wisdom”

German Philosopher Schopenhauer.

“The Vedas teach that the soul is divine, only held in the bondage of matter; perfection will be reached when this bond will burst, and the word they use for it is, therefore, Mukti – freedom, freedom from the bonds of imperfection, freedom from death and misery.“

Swami Vivekananda.

The concept of a hindu marriage is based on uniting two souls to become one. Marriage is one of the greatest commitments an individual can undertake, forgoing ones individual standing in society, removing ones thoughts of only oneself and opening ones eyes to the concept of entering into commune/unity by joining with another. Taking the first step in what essentially is a spiritual journey to ultimate commune/unity with god or Moksha.

One must question the importance of ones understanding about what a Hindu marriage really means, what we should look for in it and how we should apply it to our lives? What’s really involved, why do we go through all that ceremony, and what is the meaning of it all?

One must delve in to the questioning of life to fully appreciate the ultimate destination of ones souls. But let’s begin on a light philosophical note.

Many of us understand probably, that we are all one. Many of you know already that the body is a temple where God resides. God resides in me, in you, in everyone. Not only in the human beings, but also in the animals, the trees, the birds that fly in the air, in the air that we breathe, in the clouds that give us rain, in the stars in space. There is not a single place or a single time where God is not. We do understand this in principle, but when it comes to practice, we tend to differentiate a lot. We accept God is there, but we do not accept God’s creation. We start saying, “If there’s God, why is it there is so much disparity, why is it there is so much disharmony, why are these fights are going on all the time, Why should hate be there, malevolent forces ruling the world and not love?

The starting point here is the concept of accepting that ` you are god and I am also god’. The couple start with the understanding that that god is in each f them. This leads to the experience of the entire world collapsing into each of them.

The vedas teach us that god is within us all. Through this is unity cultivated and this leads to the `oneness’ sought by the couple.

The great Indian philosopher Sankara says, Advaita, non-duality, means there is only one entity, and that is God. No matter where you look, you can only see God and nothing else.

How can a couple in this modern age accept God when there is so much dissatisfaction with the state of the world? The question arises that if god exists, then surely he has failed to shape the world properly?. Why has he not eliminated all this strife, all this violence? Even we could make many improvements to the world and show God how his creation can be improved upon. With such thoughts, we are filling ourselves with our ego. That is going against surrendering to god.

The first principle is that God exists not only in his pure, enlarged state of oneness, but also in the divided state where you see differences. How do we come to know about this world and its differences, where they are coming from , why and how? We can understand this through our senses.

Through our senses of sight; we see the world or we read about it, or we touch it, or feel it, feel its warmth. So all these sensory and motor perceptions are the channels through which we communicate to the world and we know about the world.

But all these are deceptive. What is near to us appears bigger than what is far away. That is called inverse square law; that is how our sense of sight works. You can hear me in this room, but people outside cannot hear me. That is how our sense of hearing works. So all these senses or motor organs are acting as local magnifiers.

So given this mode of knowing this world, there’s no way we can get away from the attachment from the localising perceptions. In order to get away from that, and to be able to see the oneness and to break down the barriers between man and man, we have to somehow reach a state in which our vision is universal, not localised, where the far appears as close as the near appears to us; where with your consciousness, your awareness, you are able to penetrate the whole world and embrace the whole world in its perception. That is the state in which you can perceive God as being yourself.

So if we explore this at a lower level for illustration, we can say:

` I am one, one being, but in me there are billions of living cells which are born in me, they’re growing in me, they’re dying in me. I have not given them names, I have not married them, I do not even know who they are, why they are there, what they are doing; I am not even aware of them.

But I still have an experience of this continuous life of all these living cells together which is what I call my life. I see through my eyes, and I hear through my ears; so I say this is my eye and this is my ear. I do not say this is my ear and this is my eye. See, the world I perceive through my eyes is totally different from the world I perceive through my ears. Both these pieces of awareness are unified in my consciousness.

It is I who am perceiving these different fields of awareness, but the seer is the same. So it makes sense to call this an eye and this an ear, different names for sub parts of my awareness. They are both parts of me; they are parts of me because they are attached to me in some sense. My hands are attached to my body, my legs are attached, my heart is attached. So all these are attached to me.

So, how can we find this attachment that we all have together? I have life, you have life. We are both attached to life. I can speak, you can speak, we are both attached to speech. And there are so many factors which are common to the seer and the seen.

This is what brings about the unity, the experience of unity as compared to the state of diversity. We see that the division that we look at is superficial, but if we go deep, we see the unity. The ability to see both the diversity and the unity at the same time is given to us.

And our birth right is to experience that unity. And the concept of marriage as it exists now in the Hindu culture tells you how to translate this experience of unity in diversity. If you know how to make two into one, then you know how to make three into one; by induction process, and then you know how to make four into one and so on. So you experience the whole entire world collapsing into you. So this is the foundation of the concept of marriage.

Vedic Mantras:

In considering vedic mantras, we need to go over some details about why they are recited. Initially, we should start with the idea that God is in me. So it makes sense for every one of us to say that I am God. However, if we said God is really in me and not in you, then problems arise. Only when we say I am God and you are also God, then the oneness discussed earlier may be attained – through understanding unity comes about.

The Bridegroom: So in the marriage, who does the bridegroom represent?   The father of the bride worships the feet of the bridegroom in the marriage saying the following stanza:

`NamostuanantayasahasramurtayeSahasrapadakshishiraurubahavesahasranamnepurushayashashvatesahasrakotiyugadharinenamah’

This translates to:

`The bridegroom is none other than MahaVishnu, physically present as an individual here, I am washing his feet. Namostu, I bow down to him. Anantaya, one who has no ending. Sahasramurtaye, the one who has a thousand forms’.

In Sanskrit, the word thousand is used in a different sense than we normally understand . The three zeros are the three illusions of our wakefulness, of our dreaming and sleeping state. The reality, the one is you; you are experiencing all these three states.

One thousand is meant to represent infinity of experiences in these three states of our being. Sahasramurtaye, having a thousand forms. Sahasrashirapurushaya, having a thousand heads, because all of our heads belong to him, all of our hands belong to him. Sahasrapadaksishiraurubahave. He has got a thousand rays coming from him, and infinity of rays, an infinity of ways of knowing the world. Purushaya. He is the seer.

Shashvate, he is existing forever, through all life. Sahasrakotiyugadharinenamah. For thousands of crores of eras, he has been there, and that is the Maha Vishnu who is the bridegroom.

So you see, you are not seeing the bridegroom as an individual. You are considering him as a manifestation of Maha Vishnu directly. And it is to him the Kanya, the bride is being offered.

And what does the bride represent? The wealth of the lord, MahaLaksmi, aishvarya. All the wealth in the world, all the enjoyment, all the riches, all the experiences, they are all Maha Lakshmi.

`Kanyam kanaka sampannamsakalaabharanihyutam’.

This bride is offered as the wealth of the world unto thee, unto the God who owns this wealth. Then you may say, what is this giving of the bride to the bridegroom? Is it not a sense of distortion?

Should the bridegroom not be given to the bride? Why this superiority of the male? Does it not interfere with the relationship? But it’s not so. To see this, let us go on with the concept of marriage.

The real muhurta, when the people get married, is when they put their hands on each others’ heads, it’s called sumuhurta. At that time, you take a betel leaf, some jaggery (palm sugar), and some seeds, and that is kept on the heads of the bride and bridegroom mutually.

So what is the significance of putting ones hand on your head? Putting a hand on your head is a blessing and it most often that a guru would bless you in this manner. So the meaning of that sumuhurta, underlines the meaning of marriage I implicitly – that you, the bride becomes the guru of the bridegroom, and the bridegroom becomes the guru of the bride. So you establish a mutual guru and sishya (disciple) relationship.

Where normally, we tend to place the guru on a pedestal, high up above, and think that we must obey or listen to whatever he or she says. That is not the real meaning. The real meaning of the guru and sishya relationship is that like a transmitter and receiver. When the husband is talking, the bride is listening and at that point the husband is the guru and the wife the sishya, and when the wife is talking then she’s the guru and the husband is the sishya.

So in advaita, you’re talking to yourself when you’re talking to somebody else because the talker and listener are one. You learn to see the oneness of yourself with the other. Therefore, the talker and the listener become one. In that sense the relationship between guru and sishya is just a resonance with your self, being in tune with yourself.

Historically and still in laces today, people say, that girls are not entitled to study the Vedas. That’s not true. The boy goes through a state called upanayana. Upanayana means taking you near God. nayana means taking, upa means near. You’re being taken near the Goddess, the mother Gayatri, by the thread ceremony. The thread ceremony entitles you to recite Gayatri Mantra. Gayatri is a Shakti who is ruling the whole world. She is the creatrix, she is the sustainer, she is also the destroyer. She combines all these powers into her.

And if you get the right to recite the Gayatri, you become a Shakti upasaka, then you go through the transition called upanayana. The dynamic nature you have to understand, and implement, and expose yourself to in your life.

During the marriage ceremony, the woman gets the right to recite the vedas. How? It is because, from the husband, who becomes her guru, she’s entitled to learn this Gayatri mantra. So, what is considered upanayana for the male is equal to the Kalyana or marriage ceremony, for the bride. So from that moment onwards, she is entitled to learn all the Vedas and all the Shastras he has learned. And what ever she has learned, she can be a guru to him and she can teach him. So this mutual guru sishya relationship is what we call the marriage.

It has to be understood that If either persons say I am always the guru and you’re always the disciple, there’s a superiority / inferiority relationship there and that does not constitute a true hindu marriage. A genuine relationship is built on total equality. One person is sometimes the guru, sometimes the other. AT other times, you’re the sishya, sometimes I’m the sishya. So where’s the question of superiority there? If A contains B and B contains A, then we say A is equal to B. It is this relationship which is the essence of a Hindu marriage.

If in this relationship of marriage, if a dominant male or a dominant female attitude is assumed, then the concept of the marriage is totally lost. The marriage is supposed to be like a cart that has two wheels, and both wheels have to move forward at the same speed so that the cart can go forward. If one wheel stops and the other is moving, it goes round and round, it doesn’t move forward. But through the equality being established by this relationship, akin to the two wheels of a cart, i.e. the husband and the wife, the essence of a hindu marriage is captured.

So I told you that the roots of marriage is friendship, right? So, explore this friendship a little further. If I am friend to you, and somebody else is a friend to you, should it mean that somebody must be enemy to me? Not so.

Marriage is like an equality. If A=B and B=C then it does not mean that A is not equal to C, but it means that A is equal to C. So to establish this relationship more completely, the Vedic mantras that are used in the marriage have what is called saptapadi, the seven steps that you walk together around the fire. And in this saptapadi the following statements are there:

  1. Sakha saptipadibhava- be my friend who walks these seven steps together.
  2. Sakhyamtegameyam- may I aspire to your friendship. Look at the words carefully – may I ASPIRE to your friendship. It’s not there now but we have to reach that understanding.
  3. Sakhyamtemayoshah; sakhyam me ma yoshtyas. That means, the bridegroom is telling the bride “You may have friends, they may be girls or they may be boys, it does not mean therefore that they’re my enemies. So I aspire to your friendship, and your friends are my friends, they’re not my enemies. And similarly, I may have friends, girl friends or boy friends, and they’re not your enemies.

Now we got what are called four purushartas, which are the four basic

desires that everyone has:

:

  1. Dharma: Dharma is defined here as giving the spark of life which has been received from your father and mother, and to pass on that life to a new life.In the Convocation address given to the disciple after education is completed, it says, “Prajatantum ma vyavachetsih”. It says, life is so precious, please do not cut it short by not having children. Life is so precious, in this whole wide world, there is a very little part where life really manifests in its full state. So you have the bounden duty to continue this spark of life unbroken. And let the life evolve into higher and higher forms. So your defined purpose is to initiate a life long unity in friendship with your partner and thus to perpetuate life and that is the prime reasons for marriage.
  1. Artha :

Artha, then Kaama and moksha are there.

Kaama is desire. We have many desires such as wanting to build a home and raising good children, we want to acquire wealth and peace of mind, we want to have friends, all of these things are desires. These desires can take the forms of lusts; lust for money, lust for life, lust for enjoyment, lust for anything. If you have a desire in a relationship as intimate as a marriage is, then it cannot be called love.

Moksha: To seek liberation from the cycle of birth and death.

In every samkalpa we say “Dharma, artha,, kaama, moksha, cathurvidhaphalapurushartasiddharthyam. I want to do my duty, I want to earn money, I want to fulfil my desires, and I want to be liberated.

The Spirit of Unity:

Love is that which arises when the desire is not there. Love is what

we like to do and we simply do it. Loving is loving yourself,

basically, because you do not see the other person as

different from you when you are in love, or when you are in love.

You are connected, attached when in love; you know the other’s

feelings through the connectedness. So when I love somebody,

then whatever I do to that person I’m doing to myself. Because love

is that which integrates, which unites. It is not that which

separates. Love is a connection, a resonance. So you see, if you are

giving to somebody something, say somebody has come to take

alms from you, and you give some money;

if then you have a pride that you are giving that money, then it is

not an expression of love towards that person. If there is no pride,

then it becomes an expression of love. So love is that where you

discover the real needs of the other person and you try to fulfil

those needs. Not because you’re in a position where you can help

and that person needs the help, but because it’s your nature to

help, and it hurts you not to help those whom you’re helping.

So the fact is that love is a very delicate thing and which blurs the sense of distinction between the giver and the receiver, or the receiver and the gifter. So it is in total unity only that you can truly love.

If you feel separateness, then you cannot experience this love. The purpose of marriage was to achieve the state where you make two into one and to take you into that state where you are connected to the whole world, and become truly a divine person, a Goddess or a God.

You may think you are two separate bodies, you and your wife, or you and your husband. But these two are connected so totally, that one knows the thoughts of the other as if they were their very own thoughts.

You’re able to see through your partner’s eyes. You’re able to hear through their ears and feel what they’re experiencing without any communication between the two. It is that total union of the spirit which enables you to circulate into the other state of consciousness, that is the aim of marriage, to make two into one. To realize that in a real life situation, that is the real purpose of marriage.

The seven steps that are taken around the fire are supposed to be the seven chakras in your body and align with the seven psychic chakras in the body. By keeping your awareness in these centres you’re able to connect to the cosmos. Those who are practicing yoga become the cosmos. Marriage is considered as a form of yoga. Yoga is a part of samyoga, where two are merging together in total love and understanding of unity, preparing their paths and arming them with the appreciation of true reality and guiding their souls’ journey in the ultimate quest for MOKSHA.

A Hindu marriage is therefore ultimately a sacred relationship of the deepest friendship, that is not limited to this life alone. It is thought to extend to Seven lives (as in the seven steps around the Havan/Homam/ Sacred fire in the wedding ceremony), during which the couple help each other progress spiritually.

The adage that marriage is made in heaven, is very much true in the case of Hinduism. Two souls come together because their Karmas are entwined. Their commitment to a deep and meaningful friendship, true respect and love for one another – respecting each other as God – is the basis of the strength of their relationship which can help them to overcome issues that may arise going forward and guide them in their quest for spiritual salvation.

As Nitin and Jaidevi embark on this, the greatest journey of their lives, we offer them our warmest of wishes and shower upon them the sacred vibrations of the:

GAYATRI MANTRA Om BhurBhuvaSwaha, Tat SaviturVarenyam, BhargoDevasyaDheemahi, DhiyoYo Nah Prachodayat.

Om Shanti ShantiShanti.

Mother, who subsists as all three Kalas (Lapses of Time: past, present and future), in all three Lokas (worlds or realms of experience), and all three Gunas (Universal Attributes: harmony, agitation and inertia). I pray to you to illuminate my intellect and dispel my ignorance, just as the splendorous sunlight dispels all darkness. I pray to you to make my intellect serene and bright.

Peace…. Peace…. Peace….

The Gayatri Mantra is the most sacred of the Rig Veda Mantras. Gayatri means, “the saviour of the singer.” Reciting this prayer protects one from harm, dispels the darkness of ignorance and illuminates the world.

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